© CNBCEvery New Year's Eve, millions of people decide to read more, spend less, or develop new habits they believe will lead to more fulfilling and productive lives.
But when they sleep instead of going to the gym or impulsively buying an expensive coat, they may feel defeated and frustrated.
Instead of being paralyzed by shame, we should try to experience something like “healthy shame,” says Koshin Pally Ellison, Zen teacher and co-founder of the New York-based Zen Center for Mindful Care, on this year’s Ten Percent Happier Podcast. . .
"It's important to have a humble and healthy sense of shame, recognizing that while most of us know we value and care, we rarely do," she says.
Healthy shame can help us achieve our goals in ways that shame cannot.
Shame feels 'too personal'
Alison had revelations about confusion while practicing the Noble Eightfold Path of Buddhism. One of the eight paths is called the right view. This is the practice of trying to understand that suffering is a universal experience that we often inflict on ourselves when our actions are not in line with our beliefs.
Let's say you have a family history of cardiovascular disease and you decide to run twice a week. If you prefer to sleep or watch TV, you may feel like a failure.
"Unfortunately, it's become almost personal, like there's something wrong with me personally," Allison said.
But the truth is that it is always difficult for people to achieve their goals, no matter how exciting those goals may seem.
“The Eightfold Path was taught about 2,600 years ago,” he says. “It means that people work with the same weapon for at least the same amount, and maybe longer. There is something so liberating when I understand. "Oh, I have problems because the last 88 generations have dealt with their problems."
Selfishness "multiplies suffering"
Learning from your mistakes can help you grow from them.
“We need to think differently about our mistakes,” Ellison said.
Instead of "too personalizing them", do yourself a favor. You are not the first in the world to act against them, and you will not be the last.
“It is an amazing and humiliating shame that we all fall down and get up again,” he said.
Understanding this can make you not only more aware, but also empathetic towards others.
“When we fixate on our shyness and selfishness, it increases suffering,” Ellison says. "If we can be healthy with discomfort, we can expand our awareness."
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